Adoption Related Comments

A topic that is being discussed in some online groups I belong to, surrounds the issue of adoption related comments... rude, insensitive, naive comments. Comments such as: we "saved" our child, how "lucky" our child is. It is interesting to me how personal some parents take this, but to me, it is about the child. Saving a child or saying a child is lucky is, in a way, implying the child needs saving or is unlucky.

Right now, when we are faced with a comment of our children being "lucky", we simply reply that we (Scott and I) are the lucky ones to have two amazing children. It is the honest truth. It is an answer that works right now. But over time, as Jack and Brooke get older, will they really understand that it is me who is lucky to parent them? When the kids overhear this conversation, I'm sure they don't understand the depth of it. And I'm guessing that over time, our answer will have to evolve to satisfy the age of our children to what they can comprehend.

Which brings up another point - At what point is the way we came to become a family, someone else's business? Jack and Brooke have a unique position from most of the other Kazakh-adopted kids we know. For the other Kazakh-adopted kids, it is obvious they were adopted (Asian-looking kids with Caucasian parents). But we've never gotten any raised-eyebrows on if Jack was biologically ours. And really, we haven't with Brooke either. The closest we've gotten have been questions if Scott or I were blond as a child. Our response is that Scott was very blond as a baby and young boy, which is very true. And when I checked onto Southwest and had to provide Brooke's Kazakhstan birth certificate, the person asked if I was in the military (to have a child born in Kazakhstan!). Situations like these leave me wondering if we should explain why/how a half-Asian Mom can have a blond, blue-eyed little girl. It opens the door to speak the praises of adoption.

But is it really our swim instructor's business that our children were adopted? I think not.
Is it our children's teacher's business? I think so - so they can be sensitive to it.
Is it our children's doctor's business. I say yes - so they understand the lack of biological history.
But what about causal friends, the parents of the kids' school friends?
And are we at the point where it isn't our story but rather Jack's and Brooke's?

Jack is now asking to hear his story, and even Brooke's story. He knows it well enough were if I say Brooke was at the Baby Hospital, he'll say, "No, I was at the Baby Hospital, Brooke was at the Baby House."

The kiddos know they were adopted. We don't hide their adoption. But we don't talk about it every day and I don't think they know the different between being born into a family vs. being adopted into a family. We talk of their adoption story just as a biological family would talk of a child's birth. We have books on adoption and we have specially made books on each child's adoption.

But I think their adoption story is their story to share with whom they want. So for now, when someone asks a question that opens the door about adoption, I'll answer honestly and openly but I won't offer the knowledge of their adoption if they didn't already know. And if I get any rude or insensitive or naive comments, I'll know my story (for I too have an adoption story as an "adoptive parent") won't change their minds or way of thinking. But rather, I'll take it to heart to raise my children to be more aware and sensitive.