My soapbox

I'm not even sure how to start this post... it isn't my normal post on our activities with the kids... and maybe I shouldn't post it or even write it, but here I go anyway. I'll give you that I'm emotional. September is just an emotional month for me. Maybe because the kids start school and it is a new routine. But I think it is because in September 2006 and September 2008 we were getting ready to travel to Kazakhstan to see our kids for the first time. I guess it could be odd that now is when I get sentimental... not on their birthday or their gotcha day. I think because I remember just how anxious I was. In September 2006 and September 2008, we had pictures of our kids, we knew they were out there.... but we were just waiting for travel dates to get to them. I was filling my days with packing, unpacking and repacking; going over lists and plans; anxiously waiting for an email of news or FedEx with that last paperwork.

I know people who casually say "I don't know how I got pregnant." And to be painfully honest, comments like that really upset me. I mean - REALLY? You don't know? You don't know you had unprotected sex? Seriously?! I shouldn't let it upset me, but it does. I know exactly how I got my kids. I know every paper I had to get, sign, notarize, stamped, blessed and then done over and over... and over and over again. I know every phone call I had to make to facilitate their adoption. I know ever tear I shed before I got to hold them in my arms.

Don't get me wrong... I do it again in a heartbeat. I actually went through Jack's Journey Home book last night with him. I kept a daily blog while in Kazakhstan. My amazing sister took the days we were in Kazakhstan and made a book out of it. As Jack and I flipped through the pages, he giggled at some of the pictures of him as a baby and asked questions about some of the more scenic pictures of town. Between answering him, I skimmed some of my writings. I remember some of it clear as day and then some other memories already have started to fade so I'm very grateful I wrote things down.

And I'm about to do that again. I'm about to start Jack's annual post-placement report. Brooke has her last social worker post-placement report next month so I won't start writing her annual post-placement report myself until next year. I know some people who don't like the idea of post-placement reports. But I really don't mind them. I get to take a few hours out of my life to reflect on Jack's past year - what he has done, seen, accomplished, achieved, experienced. And I get to write it down, sent it away, file it away and maybe one day... go back, read it and dust off those memories that we're making right now.